How much do you share?

This is more of a crowdsourcing mission than a post about what’s going on with me. I’ve been debating this whole blogging thing and whether or not to share with A and if so, how much? 

I want to keep writing. I’ve found this little community immensely helpful in many ways. I believe I do a good job in protecting her identity, and my own for obvious reasons.

So I am curious – do your therapists know you blog or publicly write about your relationships with them? Do they read it? How have you navigated this with them?

A says I don’t owe her anything and I likely won’t broach the topic for a bit but I feel like if I’m writing about her, she deserves to know it’s happening, right?

I don’t know. Just a thought and I would love to know what you all have done and what your experiences have been (if you have specific posts you’ve written, link away in the comments as it would likely help me and save you some typing time). 

I hope you are all doing well this weekend 

– PD

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18 thoughts on “How much do you share?

  1. I think that MT (my therapist) gets nervous about my blog and whether or not anybody could identify her through my blog, especially when we are going through rough patches. I told her I call her MT which stands for My Therapist. Nothing that could identify her. I do write about her, but no personal stories that session told me. I write about my interactions with her because they are part of my journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for commenting and sharing. A and I will have that conversation next week some time I’m sure. I do my best to not have her identifiable and to focus on my story. Hopefully she understands!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My therapist knows about the blog. She didn’t really get it, just thought it was an e-diary for awhile until I mentioned some helpful comments and she was like “Wait, what? You actually communicate with other people?” Then she was a big fan (which made me not want to do it any more, apparently I can be (am) rather contrary :-)!

    I have never given her a link, nor will I. It is hard enough for me to be authentic as it is. This is kind of a “safe place” for me. I can be mean or rude or fawning or needy or real or whatever. I feel shame about those things but its for me, its my space, and I’m trying to be able to be authentic and let things out no matter how cringe worthy it is (and it always is). However, I have printed out posts and read things to her from time to time. Writing things out has helped me be able to talk to her…. well as much as I’m able to talk about stuff :-). I don’t like that I can’t see her reaction when I email her things, so if I do share things from here even though it sucks, I do it in person. and it does suck.

    I have felt myself get a little paranoid about my anonymity. The more real or authentic I’ve gotten the harder it is to feel safe, but I don’t believe my therapist would ever come looking for me on here (which is a relief and a little painful to be truthful).

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree about it being a safe place – and I also agree about the shame! Being authentic and learning that authenticity is so key – I write about things here I wouldn’t share with anybody else.

      Writing has always been an outlet for me – I wrote constantly until my Mom found my diary, ripped out pages that spoke ill about my family and screamed at me. Then my writing became super reserved and even stopped.

      Recently, I have been writing again both here and offline. My fiancé and I have amazing privacy boundaries and I never ever worry about him reading my stuff unless I want to share.

      I don’t think I will stop. Sometimes I think I wish my family would stumble across it and maybe finally understand how I feel.

      I think I will take these things to A in a way that doesn’t give her the URL. Thanks so much for your comments, E.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I printed a post to give to Nikki once, and I had it in my bag but I chickened out. I’d never give her the URL because I wouldn’t feel safe writing about her any more – trust issues? Me?

    If you were writing about her in a diary, would she deserve to know about it? Probably not, right? I’m not sure that that changes just because other people are reading what you write, since nobody knows who either of you are. There’s actually a greater chance of somebody learning things they shouldn’t if you were writing an un-anonymised diary.

    Just curious, because of the WCE – is part of the feeling that you “should” tell her fear that there would be consequences if she somehow found out?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes!!! Oh I didn’t even think of that. It’s like, if I tell her now then she can leave now and it won’t be as bad if she finds it later on her own.

      And true that there’s a greater chance if I was writing in person. Thank you for this insightful comment!

      Like

  4. My therapist knows. I’ve never given her the link and never would. She’s never asked. At first it struck her as interesting because she works so hard to protect the work and keep it in confidence (yet here I am writing all about it, albeit anonymously) But over time, she’s come to understand the way I use it and she’ll sometimes encourage me to write and connect to this community. If I read her posts, they’re usually not exact copies, but edited versions that I feel more comfortable sharing with her.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your insights Andi. I think that’s where I’m stuck. A works so hard to protect the boundaries of our relationship and here I am out doing what feels like screaming about our work.

      But it is helpful, and I think as long as I protect her, her stories, her identity, that it’s okay. Because I need it.

      I too, would never give her the link. And I have read all your posts from the beginning and it’s when I realized you would print things or edit them or reframe them for your therapist – that’s when I thought “maybe I could blog too”

      So thank you for that, as well as your continued support here

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I also want to add that I don’t share details of my therapist’s life or anything personal she might tell me, or some of the more intimate moments of our therapy. Our of respect for her and our relationship – often I focus on my experience and reactions to her as a way to process, not what is happening on her end. With my last therapist, I think that because of our dynamic and how confused I was and how painful it was, I did more talking about her and what she said and did, trying to gain validation for the unhealthy boundaries. The community on here really supported me, and now I focus much less on the therapist when I write, and on myself, because my therapist’s boundaries are great and I don’t need to process that part of the relationship like I did last time.
    I still get angry with her and a post or two might have some of my angry perceptions/judgments about her, which sometimes I cringe at later. But I work on that behavior (I don’t like talking about other people when angry, but it is an angry reaction I have sometimes), and feel it important to allow myself to be and process authentically on here (otherwise, why put so much effort in?) Sometimes I am snarky, so my posts will reflect that. I am not always proud of those moments, but they serve as reminders later when I re-read and reflect.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I will tread this same path – keep her out of it as much as one can when writing about the therapeutic process.

      This blog is about my journey, she is just happening to play a major role in it.

      I’m also finding it helps me bridge the gap between sessions, to blog. I should see her twice a week, and I don’t, because I can’t afford it.

      I’m sure I will get angry and the posts will serve as a reminder to me, too. But I definitely never want to violate her or her space with over sharing here.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I started the blog with my last therapist, and told her I started it, I asked her how she felt/asked permission (she was also anonymous on it) and she read a few links I sent to her.
    I told my current therapist about the blog almost immediately. I send her links infrequently, maybe once a month. About 5 or so months ago, I directly asked her how she felt about it (which I hadn’t done initially with her, because the blog was started before her). She was/is very supportive; I talk often about my friends on here and how meaningful the community is to me for this very specific type of support around attachment issues that only people going through it really can understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The community and support has been so amazing and so helpful – and I know it’s something I want to continue.

      I don’t think I’ll ever give A the URL – but I do want to tell her about it. I want her to know it’s helpful and let her know I have great respect for her and our space and don’t refer to her by name or any identifying characteristics.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Bea doesn’t know. Or, as far as I know she doesn’t know! I don’t use her name, or any details that could lead a person reading my blog to find the real Bea, so I feel as though it is okay to write without telling her. I’m careful to write my story in my blog, and if there are things she discloses that are maybe more personal (things that have therapeutic value, but still personal), I am careful to write something like “Bea tells me a story about herself that is too personal for me to share here, it is not my story to tell, but it helps, and makes me feel less alone.” I know there are specific posts, but I don’t even know which ones, or how to find them. Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My therapist knows. I told her when I started writing the blog. I don’t tell her every time since then, but she is aware my blog does involve therapy at times.

    She doesn’t read it. Many would actually consider it an invasion of privacy (even if it’s public) and ethically wrong. She made sure I knew she didn’t read it, but that if there were ever any posts I wanted to share with her, I could copy and paste it into an email or print it and bring it to session to talk about it more.

    I’d be comfortable telling her if she asked more questions about it, she’s never brought anything more up about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing. I think I agree with you (and that A would too) where if a therapist actively sought it out it would be an ethics violation. But I know some people ask their therapists to read and that’s different.

      I think A would fall in line with that – she told me right away that I could google her (and that I wouldn’t find anything because it’s her job to protect her privacy online) – but that she should never and would never be looking for me on the Internet.

      Thanks for contributing to this 🙂

      Like

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