My coworker is seeing my therapist with his wife for couples counselling.
This bothers me.
If I’m honest, that’s partially because I think of A as mine and only mine. I don’t like the idea that anybody else has her time, ever. Most of the time I can pretend that’s true (although what exactly I think she does with her time outside of session I don’t know. She clearly doesn’t just sit in her office waiting for me to return). But it’s kind of like a slap in the face or a cold shower – a wake up call of sorts – I can’t avoid the fact that she sees other people when it’s someone I know.
This coworker is someone who trusts me and tells me everything and that’s the other worry for me – that he is going to want to tell me all about his sessions. He also is a difficult person and I know A won’t put up with his shit. He wants someone to tell him he is right, and she won’t do that for him constantly. I don’t have the energy to hear him make jokes about her or tell me how much he hates her.
If there is one thing therapy and the therapeutic relationship has taught me it is that you never, ever, undermine another persons counsellor without very careful consideration of what you’re saying first. The relationships are powerful, they are valued, and they are personal.
I can’t hear him complain about her and that’s just a line I’ll have to draw with him.
Finally, there’s a 3% part of me that believes A’s amazing boundaries will falter. I intellectually know they won’t spend their time talking about me. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like they might. Like they’ll spend all their time discussing how awful I am or my work habits or commitment or something. Or that she’ll tell him all my secrets.
I know that’s a direct result of knowing my parents discussed me behind my back and feeling like family were plotting. I know it’s an important thing to bring up.
I really don’t like that they are seeing her and the worst part is I actively referred her (to his wife, who I think is basically a saint). So this is a problem of my own making. It’s literally a situation I created.
I also briefly considered that this is an attempt of mine to sabotage my relationship with A – try to get her to mess up or to use my coworker as an excuse to not have to feel anymore or to not have to see her anymore… it’s a vague notion I have but can’t seem to get any more out of it or get any further. We are at around the 5 month point where a lot of the emotional trust has been built and processing has to start happening. All the stuff I try to avoid.
The more I connect with her the more I feel she is about to betray me and the more suspicious I am. The closest people in my life were always the ones I couldn’t trust, and they’d pull me in nice and close only to rip away at me again.
Fascinating things to consider. Some real things to address. It has taken all my energy today to NOT ask him when their first session is.
I don’t want to share. Back off coworker, get your own therapist.
PS – I realize how irrational parts of this are. I wanted to get out my feelings.