I have finally figured out what is bothering me about the past week and a bit, especially since my fiancé left.
I feel seen.
This is a completely foreign concept to me. Outside of Lu and my fiancé, I don’t usually feel seen. I definitely don’t feel seen by my family, basically ever.
Yet, in the last week I have had my needs heard and met by A, by Owner1, by my coworker. I am saying what I need, encouraged and backed by the promise that A is there if I need her, and I’m being heard. And validated. And allowed to express my feelings. And nobody is expecting me to be Wonder Woman and deal with this shit on my own.
You all reading and being here too – I feel seen.
I was somewhat uncomfortable out at a party on Saturday night by strangers genuine interest in me as a human being.
I feel seen. More importantly, I’m allowing myself to be seen.
And wow, is that completely disorienting.