MO Day 6

Bah.

I’m not sure how I feel right now.

Today is my Mom’s birthday and we had a nice time. I mainly played with my niece who is super well behaved for a 5 1/2 year old. My brother took her and I on a tour of where he works (also where we ate) which was lovely and actually really cool.

Both him and my Mom cried at dinner, I just kept playing with my niece and pretending not to notice. 

It was a weird day… I think I’m fine but not 100% sure. I’m frustrated with my fiancé which doesn’t help. He didn’t go to work today because he was too tired after his vacation time off.. sometimes I worry he is going to lose his job but I also trust him to know his bosses and workplace like I know mine.

I kept repeating to myself today “be a compassionate witness” and it actually helped me stay uninvolved in the drama. 

I wasn’t going to drink today – both my parents started at lunch – but then I decided to at my moms dinner. Regretting it now. Not sure I will make the 5 days. I would have to not drink the rest of the time I’m here.

Whatever. It’s fine.

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7 thoughts on “MO Day 6

  1. I like these daily updates. The thought in my mind is that it is easy ahead of time, to have goals and ideas of how something will go. It is quite another story to be in the experience, with the feelings. Coping is hard, and we do it the best we can. It won’t be perfect, especially around family.
    Sorry you’re stressed about your fiance – I hope that you are right in he knows the boundaries around work, etc. Money, job stuff is always so stressful in a partnership.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Rachel – I think the daily updates have helped me understand my feelings more and stay in touch with me. This is somewhere I don’t have to censor myself.

      Coping IS hard.

      I think my fiancé and I have spent too much time apart recently (coming on 3 weeks) and once we are together we will work through this… neither one of us does well with tough stuff via phone or text.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re doing really well with this trip. You’ve shown yourself that you can go without drinking. Just go one day at a time, and if it feels like a good day to go without drinking, then try it. You’re continuing to be a witness and you’re continuing to do your best. I think that so far this trip has been successful for you and you’ve learned and observed a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you – it is so hard to see myself doing well – I think a lot of it is held in and I’ll collapse when I get back.

      It’s very helpful for me to hear you say it’s successful – especially when it doesn’t feel that way.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s good awareness to know that that might happen when you leave. Just be gentle with yourself once you get home and take it easy for a few days.
        I’m glad it’s helping, and I understand it doesn’t always seem like we are handling things well when we are in the middle of it.

        Liked by 1 person

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