It was a long week. The goal was to take yesterday to calm down but that didn’t happen.
I had my dress fittings (excuse me while I squee like a small child – SQUEEEEEEEE!) and two friends came and we laughed a lot – and I had a lot to do but after a miserable week it was so nice to drive around town in my friends van and sing Hamilton at the top of our lungs that we decided to get sushi. These are two girls who know all of me and it took me so long to get to this point – where I have people I can sit in a van with and tell about so much of me – I just didn’t want to go home.
Sidebar: squee with me at this freakin’ dress should you desire. I have never felt happier than I do thinking about who I get to marry in this thing.
Then fiancé and I got a good deal on tickets to a local sports game (free!) and went to that and then he treated me to dinner on an impromptu date night. Which was so lovely.
However, the side effect of this is now I have so much to do. Like an unbelievable amount. There is no way I will be able to fit it into today.. But I will try. And in trying I will forget to take care of myself and will get stuck pretending I don’t have emotions.
I had to go to the clinic and get a refill of my celexa and then fill it (speaking of which I should take it now too). I did the dishes and now am on the way to a massage (amazing, I’m so excited). Then I have to clean, do wedding details, confirm things, and do all the freelance things because this upcoming week is insane. I also have to do some finances which is never ever fun.
Monday I have work and my first yoga therapy session, which actually is bringing me a lot of anxiety (as anything new with any new practitioner ever does).
Tuesday is a day long conference for work that we are putting on that quite honestly is shit haha – I’m not responsible for it but I know that there is no way that it is being planned properly and I offered my help a month ago and nobody took it and last Thursday they were like save us and of course I can’t say no.
Wednesday I see A and then go to a hockey game at night (again for free – a prize I got for volunteering last year).
Thursday I get my hair cut and have a meeting with a friend.
Friday I have counselling again and then a group of people and fiancé and I are going out and I am exhausted just thinking about the social exhaustion coming from it.
It’s also the last week I see A twice for a while, her office is under renovation and I’m extremely busy up until and including the wedding… and that’s scary because I need her to remind me to stay with my emotions and not do what I am doing – being so busy and productive that I pretend I don’t have feelings.
So today I must do all the things, or I am setting myself up for extra stress in an already stressful week. But by doing all the things I let the super productive part of me front and it chokes away the emotions into Fort Knox.