I’m alive 

I’m here. I’m alive, although apparently completely and absolutely numb. Which is okay. 

I’m currently in my hotel room with my maid of honour getting ready to marry my husband (again) tomorrow. 

We had our rehearsal dinner tonight and it was lovely to feel so cared for, so loved. I am actually looking forward to most of tomorrow.

But there is no question I am completely unable to access that centre. Who knows why. Part of me thinks it is because when I am here, I am my centre.

I did read the words my husband wrote about me in our speech tonight and I cried. I’ll share them with you tomorrow. May you all find a love as strong. 

I’m cancelling the phone session with A. I’ve written her, 


I need to cancel our phone session on Monday. Please confirm our next appointment time is Thursday at 7:30pm.


Talking to her from here will do me no good and will simply be a waste of her time and my money.

I’m surviving, things are okay, I’m numb but honestly? I think that’s a good thing. 


18 thoughts on “I’m alive 

  1. So happy to just see you in the link providing an update. We have been saying lots of prayers for you and hoping you are managing well and feeling the love and support of this community holding you up while you are there. We hope your wedding day is filled with only love and joy!!!


  2. Sending hugs and support and lots of understanding. It’s ok to feel whatever you feel. I’m glad you have felt loved and cared for today.

    Try to steal a moment or two with your husband– something just for the two of you. That moment for me is the thing I remember most about my wedding– a touchstone of sorts, maybe? This wedding isn’t the end of the story– it’s the beginning of a story about the 2 of you. The wedding matters, yes, but in the scheme of things what matters is that you have married the love of your life. ❤️

    I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow, that you feel loved and present and okay. 💟

    Liked by 1 person

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