My husband and I have a code. It’s been developed over years of being together from the times I couldn’t articulate what was happening for me but I knew I was close to having my coping mechanisms outweigh the pain I was in.
The red light, rock, and squishy truck are all symbols of difficulty – they are all me saying to him “help me. I am not going to make it through this day without help.”
Today, tears streaming down my face, I wordlessly handed him all three.
I have done the best I can with this – this crushing overwhelming pain. This depression. I haven’t felt this incapable in almost 12 months (since my family last cut me off).
I’m taking a break and going back to basics. I’m getting through what is absolutely necessary and then resting and caring for myself and, possibly, if necessary, heading to the hospital.
I’m telling you this for two reasons. One, because I am not sure how long it will take me to balance out and I don’t want you to worry. Two, because when you reach this point, remember there is no shame in asking for help.