…. it sprays everywhere. And it’s messy.
My life feels like some fucked up Netflix saga or the punch line to a really sick joke right now.
Long story short.. my Mom emailed my husband on Monday to ask (I think it was more tell) him to be a part of our family more.
And he, after 10 years of saying nothing, has emailed her back.. and it’s not going to go over well. This is going to get messy or already is.
He has opened the worm cans, let the dogs out, thrown shit at the fan, and basically waved a big flag saying “do you want the real truth about what’s going on with us? Or the sugar-coated one.” He acknowledged the position he put me in but said he can’t let it slide anymore and has to be authentic.
I’ve done my best to monitor their relationship from day one but it’s always made my husband feel censored and unsupported. So this time I let him respond his way – I knew it was coming and didn’t say a word to him.
Honestly, he has said a lot of what I’ve never been able to.
Doesn’t mean I want to clean up the shit though. Maybe I won’t.
A friend has loaned me his empty apartment tonight. I am going to revel in the peace with his dog Louie and write and turn off my phone and just exist by myself. I need space. Because I honestly don’t know what comes next right now.
Maybe it’s good my husband said what he did…his tact could use some work – essentially my Mom said “fit into our family this specific way” and he said “no, and here is why, let’s find a middle ground.”
But I’m so anxious and so afraid to call her and so panicked and this week was already bad enough and I cried most of the morning at work before this even happened due to a coworkers comment that normally I could let slide.
Still no drink. And I can’t, not when I feel like this.