When Shit Hits The Fan

…. it sprays everywhere. And it’s messy. 

My life feels like some fucked up Netflix saga or the punch line to a really sick joke right now. 

Long story short.. my Mom emailed my husband on Monday to ask (I think it was more tell) him to be a part of our family more.

And he, after 10 years of saying nothing, has emailed her back..  and it’s not going to go over well. This is going to get messy or already is. 

He has opened the worm cans, let the dogs out, thrown shit at the fan, and basically waved a big flag saying “do you want the real truth about what’s going on with us? Or the sugar-coated one.” He acknowledged the position he put me in but said he can’t let it slide anymore and has to be authentic.

I’ve done my best to monitor their relationship from day one but it’s always made my husband feel censored and unsupported. So this time I let him respond his way – I knew it was coming and didn’t say a word to him. 

Honestly, he has said a lot of what I’ve never been able to. 

Doesn’t mean I want to clean up the shit though. Maybe I won’t. 

A friend has loaned me his empty apartment tonight. I am going to revel in the peace with his dog Louie and write and turn off my phone and just exist by myself. I need space. Because I honestly don’t know what comes next right now.

Maybe it’s good my husband said what he did…his tact could use some work – essentially my Mom said “fit into our family this specific way” and he said “no, and here is why, let’s find a middle ground.”

But I’m so anxious and so afraid to call her and so panicked and this week was already bad enough and I cried most of the morning at work before this even happened due to a coworkers comment that normally I could let slide.

Still no drink. And I can’t, not when I feel like this.

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11 thoughts on “When Shit Hits The Fan

  1. THis sounds super intense, PD. I understand your need to retreat, and I applaud your self-care and wisdom in taking some space. You are deep in some personal transformation and life transformation and seeing dynamics you never saw before. This is a lot, and your husband getting involved is even more. Hang in there. I hope it doesn’t trite, but sometimes all we can do is hang on and not give up when shit hits the fan (I’m talking to myself, too). Is it supposed to snow up there, too?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it is, which is the reason I’m staying downtown – but it provides a convenient excuse to retreat as well. I could work from home (snow halts the city) but I have to be at the hospital for 11:30am and might as well stay downtown.

      It doesn’t sound trite. We can hang on together. I think he’s kind of done really well not getting involved so far… he only did this time because my Mom emailed him directly first which I think is fair – I just picture all the ways this could explode, you know.

      Hanging on. I hope you are too xx.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I am glad I am now within walking distance of my internship for that very reason.
        I hope you have a restful night and are able to feel some comfort. We all have our points of needing to make our voices heard, and it sounds like he is at that point. I know it is scary, but maybe it is time your parents weren’t coddled. You know? (sorry if that sounds harsh). But you and your husband get to live your lives.
        I am, I actually met with a counselor at school today and she was quite blunt and basically told me that I was playing the role of a victim and that snapped me a bit out of the mode I was in. I still validate all of my feelings, but I don’t feel quite so.. young anymore. More adult now. It has been an exhausting day, but I’m hanging in there. xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Not harsh – but yea, scary. Not sure what I’m afraid of but I’m afraid of it. I’m exhausted too. Counseling in 2.5 hours and I really don’t want to let this thing with my mom and husband’s eclipse the events of last week.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I imagine the fear is (in part) tied into how scary it felt when you were little of confrontation, etc. Very scary stuff in your household around confrontation (your brother’s violence).
        I hope you do take in your letter and make that time for you. You have been needing A’s support for all that came up last week. That story needs to be shared.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yea, I’m going to see if she has extra time next week for me, I’m anticipating needing it. And I’ll mention what’s going on with my husband and mom but it can’t be the focus. Did you think the letter was ok?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Woah. A similar thing happened in March when my dad upset my brother. My SIL contacted both of my parents to arrange a meeting. She wanted to tell them how much they have damaged both me and my brother. That meeting never happened. I was panicking about potentially having to discuss the past with them.
    I think that it’s good that your husband is standing up for you. That’s how I see it. But the timing sucks.
    Glad to see you exercising self care and doing what is best for you. You know where we all are. Thinking of you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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