I’ve decided that trying is the stupidest thing I could be doing. It’s not like I’m getting anywhere. I have to stop seeing A for financial reasons, at least for January. I have an out of control credit card bill that needs paying down and I can’t be adding her $900 to it each month so I have to quit.
It’s the reality of the situation.
And I’ve convinced myself it’s for the better. We cut her off before she cuts off us. It’s not like anybody really, truly cares. Its easier to isolate. It’s easier to be alone.
I’m tired of crying and I’m tired of feeling. I need to be the stoic, unwavering, steady mass of atoms I was before this – unfeeling and productive. Numb. Numb is safe. I quit feeling, I quit trying, and I quit therapy.