It isn’t a secret that I do freelance work on the side of my job. It’s how I pay for A, it’s how I stay afloat. It’s how I can afford this car. And for the next little while, I need it. Like, desperately.
And yet there is this one client I have, who makes me freeze every time I see an email from him come in. He isn’t doing anything intimidating or wrong, as far as I can tell. He is actually nice and charming – and it’s not even that he makes my female warning signals go off – it’s not that. But I don’t know what it is.
Any communication with him makes me anxious and panicky. It’s really not worth keeping him as a client, to be honest, he is my lowest paying client, but I don’t know how to disconnect appropriately. I need to, as it’s really affecting me.
Alternatively I suppose this could be an area for growth. But not now. Not right now. I don’t want him around anymore and I think it’s because he reminds me of my brother.
My instinct is to ghost. That’s not great for business and more appropriate for my teenage days when I felt I was in over my head but couldn’t figure out why, and I’d just exit. Maybe it’s worth keeping him around for learning purposes. Cause clearly something about this person gets me, and it’s nothing creepy. His last email was actually simply “can I see what we are running again? Thanks!” WHY does this upset me? And why can’t I simply behave like a normal person?