I guess I’m kind of… Unfeeling.
Things are blah and are happening and I have no motivation. I don’t even want to write this. Standing at a bus stop craving a cigarette I can smell (this blond woman is smoking less than 10 feet from me). It’s a habit I killed a few years ago, but the smell still brings me back.
I know if I didn’t see A I could save $900 a month and afford things I want, like our honeymoon to Hawaii. But if I don’t see her, I mean I’d survive, I always have, but would it be thriving? No.
My face hurts (temporary crown and post received this morning) and I’m tired. And it’s only Monday. The hole has closed over, I’m no longer open and accessible for A. No longer willing to share my feelings. This is why I wanted to see her Friday. I wasn’t closed off then.
Maybe I’ll cancel.