They love him more than me 

My parents love him more than me. They always have, and always will. And A isn’t a substitution for that care, for that love. She tries to be and talks about it as if it’s the solution but let’s be realistic here. I see her once a week, now once every other week, for 1.5 hours. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid to put my trust and anything else really, in her.

It hurts. It hurts tonight. And knowing I can’t even reach out to A hurts more. And knowing that my husband is chronically ill and unable to support me is shit too. Because I have to support him.

It’s fine. It’s all fine. It’s always been fine. It will always be fine. 

But let’s not pretend that the fact I come second is ever going to change. 

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15 thoughts on “They love him more than me 

  1. It’s not fine. It’s not okay. Parents aren’t supposed to put one child over another. That isn’t fair. No wonder you feel upset! You have every reason to feel hurt. It’s okay to feel that way–and to admit that you feel that way. You don’t need to pretend otherwise, not here at least.

    A is still there (object permanence is real!), and her genuine care for you is not diminished because you see her less often right now. I know it’s hard sometimes, when you can’t get the reassurance at the time you need it, but I think you can trust and allow yourself to feel her support. Likewise, from everything you say, I feel quite sure that your husband’s deep love for you is very real. If his illness gets in the way of him being able to show it to you in the way you need, please tell yourself that the love is unchanged. Remind little PD, and her teen self, well, all her selves really, that they have A, and they have your husband, and they have your wisest self who will also comfort them.

    You deserve care and love and comfort, even if your parents aren’t able to give it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, PD. I just hear so much hurt and pain in this post and wanted to send support and hugs. I know you aren’t fine, in the same way when I say “I’m okay, i am always okay, I will always be okay” I’m not okay at all. It’s just easier to be fine on the outside so the inside gets muted for a while. Hang in there. I know things are hard. You can get through this. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. PD….It is not fine, and it is not ok…but it is!! And that is the part that sucks. I’m sorry to hear about your husband, and that must put a lot of pressure on your shoulders on top of everything else you are working on and managing. You are not alone…and right here, in this place PD…YOU come first!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The fact that your parents enable him doesn’t mean that they love him more. H would say that is unhelpful thought. It’s an understandable one though. I did wonder if there would be an aftermath to your last post.
    The therapy gap sucks especially when it is enforced because they are away. I’m sorry to hear about your husband 😦 We are here for you as DV said.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I appreciate what you’re saying but it goes beyond enabling – you could almost place a dollar amount on their love. So while I respect what H would say, there is only part of the story on this blog. My husband is there for me when he can, it’s just a bit bumpy right now. I need to get organized and I’ll be OK. Just a lot of emotions and nowhere to put em but here

      Liked by 1 person

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