Lost Session 

Okay, so I see A today. And a couple of cool things have happened since last week.

1) I’ve been able to feel connected to her despite not having contact outside of session. This is new, and it’s weird.

2) As long as I don’t let myself catastrophize the situation I trust that she is going to be there for me. And I trust that she is steering us in the right direction. This is also new, and also weird.

BUT 

I feel like I lost most if not all of my last session in terms of the fact that I have no concrete memory of even being there last week. I have my blog post and a couple emails I wrote to Lu and others. But it’s like being hungover after a blackout night… I read those things and vaguely remember experiencing them, but I can’t remember doing them. I can’t access it. And that’s so bizarre.

I lost the session in my memory that left me feeling the most connected to my counselor. Has this ever happened to anyone else? 

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3 thoughts on “Lost Session 

  1. I agree with the others–it makes perfect sense. Deep connection has been a dangerous vulnerability to you. We like to give our vulnerabilities over to the parts to hold for us.

    The beautiful thing is that the part has still allowed you to hang on to the feeling of connection. That’s a very generous gift from the part to your core self. xxoo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It makes so much sense to me. You got connection, at a very deep level that contrasted with what’s normal. It didn’t fit the norm, so your mind “rejected” the memory. Don’t know if that makes sense, or if that is research-backed, but it just seems like it’d make sense.

    Like

  3. Yes! Very Much so, PD! It’s about PARTS!! I keep resisting that I have them, until something like this smacks me Upside Of The Head!
    So I’m trying to get myself to be OK with saying: “Hi, who-ever is here or was there. Love you. Wanna get to know you better. Thx for helping me along when offing myself was the only other choice.” And, of course, I tell my T about this – she seems to take it a matter-of course, which sorta helps when I’m thinking I’m bats. So HI!! TS

    Liked by 3 people

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