This is a quickie, because I am on my way to a business meeting (why do I do that, allow therapy before I have to work). Thankfully it’s a vendor trying to impress me, not the other way around.
I’m a mess.
What a motherfucking waste of a session.
You know those ones where you feel like you get nowhere? I really wanted to discuss what I wrote about my mom, and she was forcing talking about us. Not forcing, that’s unfair, but she did point out I was taking the conversation away from the present and away from my feelings. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I wanted to talk about my mom.
And now I booked to see her twice next week. Because why, exactly? Ugh, I’m frustrated.
It’s so unfair.
I wanted to talk about what I wrote to my Mom. I was proud I had done it, and I wanted to share. And she redirected us and we never got back to it. And that would have helped me get to a place where I could discuss my emotions. And it would have helped me cry. And now I’m just mad.
It’s about time we had a rupture. It’s been a while.
I feel like picking a fight. I have to calm down. This is not how one does business (I’ll be fine, I’ll just disassociate away from it). But Dave will be there, and he will see, and he will know.
This is why you don’t let people in. Because then you can’t hide.