Some nights, I wish I could go back and redo some of what got me where I am in this life.
And some nights, some nights I wouldn’t trade my past for anything.
My birthday was recently. For the sake of privacy I’m not going to say when, but it was within the last week.
I got a really amazing gift this year. One I didn’t really expect. One I had gotten myself without even knowing. One that A, and Em, and Lu, and Dave, and my husband, got me.
I woke up on my birthday morning, completely and utterly in love with myself and my life.
And after years upon years of hating myself… and loathing who I was, and just not being on my own side… after years of working so damn hard…. it was the best damn gift.
I rolled over in bed on my birthday morning into my husband’s arms and went “babe, I really like myself.” And he hugged me because God knows, him, of all people, knows how much work that’s been.
And I swear, this was all for something. All this work, to no longer want to jump in front of a train every day. To have worked so hard, and to have it be worth it. To wake up, on my birthday, and just LOVE myself.
Whoever you are, wherever you are, promise me you’ll keep holding on.
Because one day you may wake up completely and totally in love with yourself and your life.
There’s a lot left to work through, but its so much easier when you believe you are worth it. It’s so much easier when you actually believe you’ll be okay… and I do. I do, and its incredible. I do believe I’m going to be okay.
I want to yell it from rooftops.
I am so grateful that I didn’t give up.
Promise me you won’t give up.