A is back in 18 sleeps. I hate that I’m counting, but I’m trying to remember it’s the attached and younger parts of me that are counting, and that they need that, and that this duality of adult/child is something I have to learn to acknowledge.
She gave me the ability to reach out to her. I don’t know if I will. I don’t know if I will need to, or if I decide to if I will feel comfortable doing it. Part of me wants to do it just to test her, to see if she really meant it.
I didn’t drink again today, and I actually am finding it easier to not drink the longer I go without using it as an emotional crutch.
My husband and I actually had a really wonderful day, spending time outside – I love being close to the earth and will take my shoes off and just let me feet feel the ground steady beneath them. I was very present today, which is an achievement, I think.
I see Sal tomorrow, for a regular massage, and I will probably see if I can book cranio for some point in the next couple of weeks. I’ll also be freelancing and catching up on work.
But for today I’ll be both grateful for where I live and happy that I am still okay. One day at a time. The ocean, the trees, and the mountains (can’t see them, they’re behind the fence) help centre me so much.