Only 18 sleeps

A is back in 18 sleeps. I hate that I’m counting, but I’m trying to remember it’s the attached and younger parts of me that are counting, and that they need that, and that this duality of adult/child is something I have to learn to acknowledge. 

She gave me the ability to reach out to her. I don’t know if I will. I don’t know if I will need to, or if I decide to if I will feel comfortable doing it. Part of me wants to do it just to test her, to see if she really meant it. 

I didn’t drink again today, and I actually am finding it easier to not drink the longer I go without using it as an emotional crutch. 

My husband and I actually had a really wonderful day, spending time outside – I love being close to the earth and will take my shoes off and just let me feet feel the ground steady beneath them. I was very present today, which is an achievement, I think. 

I see Sal tomorrow, for a regular massage, and I will probably see if I can book cranio for some point in the next couple of weeks. I’ll also be freelancing and catching up on work.

But for today I’ll be both grateful for where I live and happy that I am still okay. One day at a time. The ocean, the trees, and the mountains (can’t see them, they’re behind the fence) help centre me so much. 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Only 18 sleeps

  1. “I actually am finding it easier to not drink the longer I go without using it as an emotional crutch.” That is the progress, I think. I say that because I don’t think drinking is a problem per se, but using it as a way to deal with emotions is (for myself as well).
    Also, the first time reaching out to a counselor outside of session is the hardest. It’s filled with “do I need to? Is this okay? What if she hates me? What if she regrets giving me this option?” It’s that self-judgment. But it’s okay to reach out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That looks so nice. It’s the middle of winter here – granted it’s not actually that cold, but it’s sort of overcast and miserable and makes me want to stay inside. My big achievement for today was taking advantage of the neighbour’s car not being parked out the front of my house and trimming the overgrown grass on the nature strip without the risk of damaging his paintwork. Now I get to reward myself with popcorn.

    How are you finding the massage and CST?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m finding them really helpful. The cranio has been on and off but I realized today I really needed another session. The massage is something I’ve always enjoyed, but I’m really working well with this particular RMT.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s