Depleted

I’m depleted.

I am running out of resources. In cranio on Friday I told Sal that I felt like the opposite of a flower in those nature movies – where you watch them slowly unfold. 

I feel like I am folding inward in an effort to protect myself, my protective parts at the forefront. 

I tried being vulnerable, and my Mom did the best she could and met me where she could. I still don’t know exactly how I feel after our phone conversation, and I spent approximately three hours crying out some of the grief today.

She didn’t really do or say anything ‘wrong’. There were countless positive moments and I think there is so much to learn from this. 

But it is very clear to me that I will always be second tier after my brother. And so much grief and sadness has come up.

I am in some serious resourcing mode. 

Taking a step back and only doing what matters.

I need some space from writing about this and feeling it, I have been feeling into it all day. 

The whole point of this being I’m not ready to dissect the interaction yet and I’m going to take some space because that’s what my body is telling me to do, and I’m listening. 

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7 thoughts on “Depleted

  1. Listen to your body. It’s telling you something important. Take care of yourself too. I think you’re going to grow from this. You’re already able to note the positive moments. And yes, there is grief. And there have been a lot of emotions in the past week or so, so I bet you really are depleted. That’s okay, you will regain your strength ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Being in resourcing mode is okay. Actually, it’s amazing because there have been times you where didn’t have resources to draw on or work on building up. Taking space is okay. Take care of you, we will all be here when you are ready. Xx💟

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad you are seeing A. But the space between then and now is important. You are wise to see you need it. I’m so sorry you feel so drained. This is so hard though. I hurt for you as you process it all.

    Liked by 2 people

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