I am running out of resources. In cranio on Friday I told Sal that I felt like the opposite of a flower in those nature movies – where you watch them slowly unfold.
I feel like I am folding inward in an effort to protect myself, my protective parts at the forefront.
I tried being vulnerable, and my Mom did the best she could and met me where she could. I still don’t know exactly how I feel after our phone conversation, and I spent approximately three hours crying out some of the grief today.
She didn’t really do or say anything ‘wrong’. There were countless positive moments and I think there is so much to learn from this.
But it is very clear to me that I will always be second tier after my brother. And so much grief and sadness has come up.
I am in some serious resourcing mode.
Taking a step back and only doing what matters.
I need some space from writing about this and feeling it, I have been feeling into it all day.
The whole point of this being I’m not ready to dissect the interaction yet and I’m going to take some space because that’s what my body is telling me to do, and I’m listening.