I’m ready to address this as a depressive episode. It’s been a while since my last full blown, can’t get out of bed, can’t function, considering quitting everything and becoming a hermit, cancelling plans on people, not eating and not having the energy to do anything, everything makes me cry episode.
But I’m here. Triggered by my last interactions with my Mom and family (although she came through for me today a bit) and by A’s absence, this one has been a doozy. Couldn’t stop crying at work yesterday. Took the day off today, but don’t feel rested (mostly cause I had to trek to the clinic and then for an x-ray because they think a bone in my foot might be broken).
I have two goals. Don’t harm myself and perform basic life tasks (shower, go to work, eat, sleep). That’s it. Everything else is on hold so I can ride this out and be sad.
Can’t help but think of how far I’ve come, though. From picking fights and losing my job and throwing things at my husband and lying constantly to being able to identify what’s up and try to fix it.
I need the weekend. And it’s only Wednesday. And I’ve only worked one day this week. People are exhausting right now. The effort is exhausting.